Star goaltender Camille Scherger shares own struggles with mental health to help others

By Thomas Becker

Fans of UPEI's women's hockey team and Camille Scherger in particular know her as the team's star goaltender, an academic all-Canadian, a second team all-Canadian, and the host of the popular web series Schugs' Corner—a comedic take on CBC's Coach's Corner. But what they might not know is that she also struggles with mental illness. 

The last two years have challenged her mental health more than any other time in her life, and it started with a fluke goal in the 2020 playoffs that took some time for her to overcome and move on from. 

In Game 2 of a win-or-go-home semifinal match against the St. FX X-Women, the puck was fired from the blue line and hit off the end boards before deflecting off the back of Scherger's skate into the net. That tied the game at 2-2 and sent it to overtime, where the Panthers would go on to lose. 

"Looking back on that season, it was the worst goal I let in," Scherger said. "It's so easy to get in a dark place, and that's what happened to me." 

It was a difficult moment in an otherwise stellar hockey career, which triggered a depressive episode that has lingered ever since, occasionally rearing its ugly head at inopportune times.

It didn't take long for Scherger to come to terms with that fateful goal, knowing she had a chance at redemption at nationals. But before she and her teammates even got a chance to step on the ice, the tournament was called off as the COVID-19 pandemic began to ramp up. 

Through no fault of hers, the sport she loved kept being taken away, which only fueled the darkness. Competitive play was suspended for the entire 2020-21 season, and the current 2021-22 season presented even more hurdles to overcome. She missed the first six games due to a nagging hip injury, and when she rediscovered her all-Canadian form again, the season was abruptly paused indefinitely. And waiting for her each time was that relentless darkness. 

For Scherger, mental illness comes in the form of depression and anxiety, where bad stretches lead to isolating herself from those who care about her and want to help. When her illness was at its worst, the rink, once a safe haven, became a place where she didn't want to be. 

"That's when it gets dark, when you internalize and process everything in a never-ending loop," said the 22-year-old from Lloydminster, Alberta. "There's a sense of panic that comes with that. I just felt lost, and I started questioning my self-worth."

FINDING SUPPORT IN LOVED ONES

Fortunately, Scherger has a strong support system in family, teammates, coaches, and a therapist to help guide her through those moments of doubt when everything feels like it's unravelling.

Over the years, her loved ones have picked up on subtle cues when things are trending downwards for her, like not answering texts or phone calls or avoiding people altogether, and they have learned how best to support her in those difficult moments.

"My friends and family know when I need help," Scherger said. "They'll reach out to me and we'll just chat. It doesn't need to be about what's going on, but it gets your mind off the darkness a little bit."

While it's essential to have those supports, Scherger says it's just as important to take care of yourself—from exercising to finding the right therapist—even if it takes a while to find the right formula.

"I'd been to several therapists before finding the right person," she said. "I didn't get the best vibe from many of them, so I didn't force myself to go back. If you're not comfortable with someone or just don't connect, you shouldn't force yourself to keep going."

REDISCOVERING THE JOYS OF HOCKEY

When competition was suspended indefinitely and she couldn't play hockey, Scherger found comfort in volunteering on the ice, coaching young girls, and showing them everything she's learned.

Serving others was a way to get out of her own head and helped her rediscover the love of the game—a feeling that had been missing for too long.

"Hockey is a huge part of who I am, and I was really struggling because we weren't playing," she said. "I felt lost, and I asked myself 'who am I?'. But I found when I went out there and helped coach these girls, I had no thoughts at all. I was just so happy out there. There was just a sense of freedom."

Scherger found a lot of joy in helping others and decided in September she would marry two of her passions—hockey and mental health—to start "Saves for Mental Health", an initiative created to raise money for the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) PEI Division and ignite a conversation about mental health. 

SAVES FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Scherger describes goaltending as its own mental game where visualization and positive self-talk are crucial to succeeding, and the idea just clicked from there.

"You're in the net, by yourself, for 60 minutes. I talk to myself all the time, and I need to have a clear head," she said. "It goes hand-in-hand when you tie in mental health, so I thought it would be a unique way to put my passions together and try to help people and raise awareness."

When she joined forces with CMHA, she learned a lot about what the money would be used for, including overnight housing for those who attempted suicide. 

"After meeting with CMHA, I went home and cried. I didn't realize I could directly impact the PEI community," she said. "I'm just an athlete. For me to be able to do something so much bigger than myself, it's just an awesome feeling." 

Scherger secured a commitment from the Gray Group to donate $1 for every save made by a Panther goalie. Other businesses, including Century 21, Colour Me Impressed Painting, Pita Pit – Miramichi, and Macare Lawn and Yard Care in her hometown also decided to participate, along with several individual donors. She had a pre-season goal of $2,000, and so far, she's raised $3,515. Her new goal is now $5,000.

Scherger's initiative has touched the hearts of those back home. Larissa Scott, a trainer and friend of hers, who coaches the Midget AAA Lloydminster Steelers, flipped the idea and raised money for every shot her team took in honour of her boyfriend who died of suicide last summer.

"Saves for Mental Health has connected people on a personal level," Scherger said. "And I think that's how you get the conversation going about mental health."

** If you're interested in donating toward Camille's initiative click on this link: https://app.simplyk.io/en/peer-to-peer/a9727501-6d72-4bd5-9a85-d97f80dc52cc **